Give People The Benefit Of The Doubt!

“But you don’t have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.”

“You don’t have to assume the worst about everyone, either. The world isn’t always out to get you.” ― Sarah Dessen

I remember reading a blog post about how economics of trust work for two broad categories of people viz. 

1. Trust Givers - Those who instinctively trust people. Receiver starts with some non negative starting points and then you gain or lose points based on your interactions.

2. Trust Builders - They need to see evidence over time to be able to trust someone. You always start with 0 balance, and add to your account with every positive interaction.

How you operate depends on your life experiences! But, I think most of us lie somewhere on the line, between extremities. 

At least, now, I definitely do. Reason I guess is that I have had plenty of positive and negative interactions trying the two methods. 

But if I think of my 9 year old self, I was more of a trust builder than a giver. My brother(~6), a cousin(~11) and I(~9) took a bus home. It was supposed to take ~5 hours and we were supposed to be home by lunch time. We did not bring any food. The bus stopped in the middle of nowhere and our destination was still over 100 kms away. It was not a scheduled stop. The conductor announced that because of flat tires, we won't go any further. Mobile phones were not commonplace back then. There was a telephone booth, at a walking distance but either the phone did not work or there was a long queue or we were too lazy to walk in that scorching heat, I really don't remember. All I remember was that we could not contact anyone at home. We were on our own. 

It was a highway, so we considered hitchhiking. And then my cousin pointed at the truck passing by.  A few kids were kidnapped in neighboring towns/cities that year. I told him that it was a terrible idea. He did not pay any heed, waved at the driver. 

The driver said he would not have stopped for anyone else but he did not want three poor kids to be stranded in that blistering heat. He was very generous, he asked us to hop on and promised that we would be home in no time. His over enthusiastic kindness made me more suspicious of him. 

I gave a look of disapproval to my cousin. He said the driver seems to be a nice person and that it would be okay.

My brother and cousin made their way in and were signalling me to get in too. I was an adamant cautious child and I thought it was a very bad idea. They tried a few more times, and then threatened to leave me behind because they were hungry. It was like the final call for airline passengers at the airport. I had to give in. I was quiet for the first few minutes but, it did not last longer and we had a good conversation with the truck driver.

We did make it home well in time, almost around our original ETA . He was very nice and kind, waited for a few mins to make sure that a family member was there to pick us up. Had my cousin not taken the initiative and trusted a total stranger (based on his gut feeling, it's funny to think an 11 year old had a gut feeling ;-) ), it would not have happened. 

Give people the benefit of the doubt, over and over again, and do the same for yourself. Believe that you’re trying and that they’re trying. See the good in others, so it brings out the best in you.

― Liz Newman

And, by no means am I suggesting to either be a fool or a martyr! :)