Random Act of Kindness # 6

“There are no strangers here;

Only friends you haven't met”

― William B. Yates

Well, I recently was on a 1 day business trip in Pittsburgh. Travelling across the country on a 5 hour flight, for a 5-6 hours meeting is not my favorite, but that's not the topic of this post. 

My return flight was at 6 am next day, so I had the evening to myself in this new place. I have been to Pittsburgh once before, but was again a short trip. We were in office the whole time even then, so didn't really have the chance to go out and explore the city. 

I decided to take a stroll in the downtown. I am very impressed by the bridges all around the city and architecture of public buildings, theaters etc. I find old archaic buildings mesmerizing, and thrilling, look as something straight out of a story book, the book of history :-)

And, I just stood in front of some of the fountains, buildings etc. and gazed at them for a little while. 

My last stop for the night was a fancy Thai restaurant, rated as Pittsburgh's no. 1. I love Thai cuisine and thought would be prefect ending to this short trip. I got in, it had a huge seating area if I compare it to any average bay area restaurant, fancy decor(little over the top for my taste, but it looked nice) etc. They got me a nice table in the middle of the restaurant. The restaurant was quite packed and full of clamor. But it was nice to hear big groups of people talking to each other and laughing, not being hooked on their cell-phones, a pretty regular occurrence in most bay area restaurants. 

I was greeted by a friendly and polite waiter, who took my order. While I was waiting for the server to bring my drink, I just looked around to soak in shiny art pieces, dazzling chandelier, it was sort of overwhelming for my eyes. As I looked up across my table, a sweet friendly lady walked up to me, greeted me, said that her friends noticed that I was probably eating alone and asked if I would like to join their group for dinner. It was group of 10+ people. I gladly accepted. Such a friendly sweet gesture!!

The group had already placed order for entrée. I placed my entrée order after they were all already served food. These people are so lovely, they chatted with me the entire time and decided to wait for me until I finished eating. I learnt a thing or two about street medicine.

Image courtesy - Pixabay 

We all decided to go for a walk by the river after the dinner, probably spent another hour or two walking down the streets and parks of Pittsburgh. It was nice and relaxing. I really enjoyed their company, happy, hip friendly bunch with a great sense of humor. They asked me how would I describe them after I go back to California. Well, I used the exact same words back then. They were quite amused by the fact that I called them hip. 

That was October. I have had those memories come up quite a few times in last one month, more specifically about the lady who walked up to me(as I never use names on my blog). I decided to send her a text on Thanksgiving for being so kind and lovely. She was very happy to hear from me and mentioned that she thinks of me often. That she will love to host me if I visit the city she is from. 

Their welcoming and friendly gesture is exactly the kind of random act of kindness, that would make anyone's day. I am just thankful and grateful for running into nicest strangers(and now new friends) ever :-)

If Only..

If only..

you wanna take a stroll down the memory lane

rolling an odd dice 

playing a game insane

bargain that rubble

for modest soothing plains

if only..

you wanna take a stroll down that memory lane

plant a thumping twinkle

replace every dew that stained

clench your fist, hold tight

defying gravity

unslipping antiquity train

image credit - pixabay

if only..

you wanna take a stroll down that memory lane

mischief, a silly brazen

icy mark, not opaque

vest o'clock to drain

if only..

you wanna take a stroll down that memory lane

Allow Yourself to Grieve!

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” 

― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

It's not uncommon for us, as humans to experience loss in life, it could be intrinsic(personality, values, self identity, hopes, dreams etc.) or extrinsic(fame/title, wealth, family/loved ones, win/loss etc.), material or otherwise. Sometimes we cut our losses to make room for new. In fact, we all go through events of loss, several times during our lives. 

Some of those mean a lot to us, while others don't as much. Sometimes, we don't realize that we lost something, for we were so busy dealing with other important things in life, and then there are times when we are in complete denial that an event would even qualify as a loss because most of us like to be in control(of our lives), at least I do. Sometimes, we(at least I didn't) don't allow ourselves to grieve because it was not even a loss, at least that's what we(I) thought when that something happened, it was not so important after all. 

I am no psychologist but I recently realized that Grieving is such an integral part of our lives to recognize, accept, express and/or absorb the feelings of loss. Express or/and absorb, because like I said some people like to be in control. Expressing grief is not (always) easy, at least not for some people(including me). So people don't express grieve, they simply internalize it.

I remember seeing a friend cry, a while ago. We had a brief conversation and (s)he, mentioned how hard it is for him/her to express how they actually feel about the things that really matter. How hard it is for them to grieve! It can make you feel weak at a sub-conscious and/or conscious level. So you deny it for as long as you can.

But denial can only take you so far!

“If you desire healing,

let yourself fall ill

let yourself fall ill.” 

― Rumi

They say there are several stages of grief: denial, anger, bargain, depression and acceptance. They may occur in any order and you can go back and forth experiencing them. Once you allow yourself to experience all of these, you can retract your sense of normality again.

I encountered an event in November 2017. It was so profoundly unsettling that I was in constant denial, switching myself back to the person I was, before the event. I did speak to a (close)friend then but never let myself have enough time to think about the impact it had on me. But it sure did.  Every time I thought about the event, it made me uncomfortable. If I looked at something/someone that had anything to do with it, it triggered anxiety. If people would talk about something that is tangentially related to the topic, it would rattle my cage. But, it was mainly on a sub-conscious level, I did not allow myself to dig deeper and solve the root cause. I would simply do something to distract myself and put the thoughts and feelings on the back burner, yet another time.

At some level, it made me feel disengaged..

 

Image Courtesy - Pixabay

It was only recently, yesterday, so to speak, that I finally sat down to accept what was going on. I allowed myself to go back to that point in time, to feel what I should have let myself feel then, to believe that it was normal(& only human) to feel that way, to understand that it does not make you weak, just more so human. 

I believe in PTG(post traumatic growth) and that's how trauma/loss has always worked out for me. Every event has helped me grow and changed my life(positively of course), and I came out of it being a stronger person than I was before that thing occurred.

So, it all works out in the end, sooner or later...

Lost And Found!

It's been almost a year since I wrote anything, the ever present writer's block you know! :)

"How did it get so late so soon?" ―  Dr. Suess

Anyway, it's an incident from my daily commute ~a year or year and a half ago. Like any regular weekday evening, I took the bus home. It takes anywhere between ~5/10 mins to get home, depending on time of the day.

Remember a time when you are so deeply absorbed in your thoughts, that you kind of have sense of your surroundings but you are not really present, your brain is busy processing other information, which at that time felt more pressing or intriguing! I don't remember what was I thinking about but I do remember what happened after.

As soon as the bus reached my stop and the driver(who knew that I get down there) made the stop even without me requesting for it. I realized that I needed to get down, because part of my brain did take a note of what was happening around me, just was not fully aware. I did not want to waste his time, so thanked him, (I took my right hand out of my pocket on the way) and quickly sprinted out of the bus. 

The moment I stepped out of the bus, I realized, I (perhaps) dropped something in the bus, but then I ignored the stimulus thinking that I might just be hallucinating. But as I started walking, I put my right hand back in my coat pocket only to realize that I actually did drop my "wallet" in the bus. It was probably just 10-20 seconds after the bus departed.

I panicked, it reminded me of the incident when I (technically not me, but that's irrelevant) lost my passport in Sydney, because I had my California ID, driver's license and all the debit/credit cards in that wallet. How careless could one be? Finally, you stop beating yourself up for an event and then you make a similar blunder!

On the top of that, it was a Friday evening, ~6:00 pm. All banks were already closed, even getting a quick replacement for a debit card was not possible. And now that I am not in India anymore and thanks to acquaintances/friends who advised not to keep a lot of cash(I used to roam around with a couple of hundreds and also just because it's so inconvenient to deal with cash. You almost never need cash here and I just hate to carry the heap of coins<change> around).

Well, if it was India, there was no way, you are ever going to get any of the things you dropped in a bus, back. So..I was confused between : trying to call card companies to block my cards or to call the valley transportation agency to try and see if I can get the wallet back. I called the bus agency and the representative tried but just could not reach the driver for almost 30-40 mins. I was on the line waiting. During that time, I walked up to the house and back to the bus stop, and waited until the bus arrived again after an hour. I was not sure if it was going to be the same bus or a different one.

The bus arrived. I hopped in and quickly told the driver what happened. He recognized me for it was the same person who dropped me an hour ago. I quickly sprinted back towards my seat(on the ride that day) and there it was...My wallet was lying a few feet away from the seat.

Now, that I got the wallet back, I thanked the driver and got out of the bus. I felt a bit better, called the bank call centers to block all my debit cards but I am still using the same credit card. It's been a while and there have not been any fraudulent transaction. So, people here are really awesome and honest. And I love that..!!

“It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.” ― Noel Coward

And I was shocked too :)