Random Act of Kindness # 5

Well, I visited 'Bobabia' after the DMV appointment to order a milkshake. Their mixer was broken. The owner asked me to pick something else from the menu. I didn't really want to get a bubble tea, but needed something to drink, so ordered a lavender milk tea. 

He got my drink in less than 3 mins. I was about to turn around and leave the place, when he said "Your milkshake will be free the next time you come." 

To which I responded "So many people come here every day, you would not even remember me next time." 

His reply was that he does not forget his customers.

I smiled in disbelief and left the place. I am a picky eater. I did not really like the drink and I actually thought that I was never going back to that place.

I had totally forgotten about this incident. I met a friend for lunch this afternoon and she wanted to get bubble tea when it occurred to me that the guy promised me a free milkshake. I told her "I don't think he would even remember the conversation but I still want to go, try(run an experiment)."

As soon as we entered the bubble tea joint, I noticed that some other person was attending to customers today. I did not even ask his name the last time I was there. So, I asked her if the person who runs the place was around.  She went in to call him. 

He walked out smiling. I said "You promised me a free...", did not even complete my sentence. He remembered the incident, so his response was "Which one do you want?" 

I had not even looked at the menu yet, so I said same, "strawberry/banana". They did not have it for some reason. I looked at the menu and noticed some new flavors on the menu, so I picked mango and he was quick to mention, "Mango is okay but you should really try peach, that's great!". Since, he was being so kind, I went with his suggestion.

He quickly got our drinks. His generosity made me feel bad. I asked his name.  My friend and I decided to sit there for some time, and in around 5/10 mins, he brought another drink and said "You wanted to try mango right? Here!"

This is not normal and I am so straightforward/outspoken. I asked him "Why are you so nice? You are making me feel bad". 

He smiled and said "Oh, it's just leftover". I was amazed that the whole 16 oz drink was leftover. 

Anyway, I think I am going to go back to that place. Customers really just remember the experience, not the brand, especially the most recent one!

“Be mindful. Be grateful. Be positive. Be true. Be kind.” 

― Roy T. Bennett

Live in the Moment!

Misty pearls, thenceforth, spray

blear the ray,

no shades of gray;

Gloaming, aurora

no tick tocks bray;

Image courtesy : Pixabay

Stroke yon gust,

no child's play;

Seal the lids,

that's the easy way!!

Err On The Side of Caution!

“Life has it woes so learn to be on your toes, be alert.” 

― Bernard Kelvin Clive, Your Dreams Will Not Die

Last week, I returned to San Francisco, past midnight. It was about 12:30 am when I requested an Uber to go home, approximately 21 miles away from the airport. It was a business trip and I had a very long day. I was tired and sleepy but I kept reminding myself to not fall asleep during the ride back home. 

I always ride shotgun(North American slang that means travel as a guard in the seat next to the driver of a vehicle. I learnt it a few months ago and wanted to use it :-) Anyway, that's not the point! ) because I like to speak with the driver. I have learnt a lot about different cultures and professions this way, particularly in Bay Area, which is considered as a melting pot of different cultures. However, I was so tired that I had no energy to talk to anyone then. I just greeted the driver and grabbed the seat at the back. 

I was totally awake during first 8-10 miles but felt weary and sleepy enough, that I had to slap my face to keep myself awake. The trick worked for the first few mins, and then probably 4-5 miles to the destination, I dozed off. 

During this time, the driver managed to miss 2 exits to the destination. I was lucky enough to wake up right before the next exit(to turn around to reach the destination). We were less than 500/700 ft away from the exit. I realized that the dude literally missed 2 exits even though he was using a navigation app. There was no traffic at all, in fact there was no other car on the freeway, so there was no reason for him to miss one. Additionally, he did not consider it was important enough to inform me. And on the top of that, we were few lanes away from the next one. We would have missed that too if he kept going. It just did not feel right but I wanted to give him benefit of the doubt. All this thought processing happened in a fraction of a second. 

Even though I knew that he did, I politely asked him if we missed a few exits. The guy panicked and acknowledged that we did. He suggested that he noticed that I was asleep and he did not want to bother me. He quickly and abruptly changed lanes to make it to the exit. His demeanor at the moment was "odd".

Picture Credit : Google Images

I certainly did not have a good feeling about the incident and his reaction. I did not want to confront him at that time and just safely reach home. My feeling is that you have a better chance to control the outcome if you are in the front seat than back seat if you do and things go south. My home was only 10 mins away and I just wanted to get there asap. He apologized and offered to write to Uber for a full refund. I can't say for sure if I was being naive or a trust giver in this regard. I told him that it was okay and he should not worry about it.

I shared this incident with a friend over dinner last week. She told me about her friend's friend who has been missing after taking an Uber to somewhere. I do not remember the details. She suggested me to report the incident and it totally made sense, especially considering all the incidents/events that gave this company a reputation.

I contacted their support desk personnel who mentioned that someone would reach out to me to get more details and determine next steps accordingly. I just received a text response that says that they were sorry that the situation made me feel unsafe and they will take appropriate action. 

I am not sure what are they going to do, if anything at all, but I would certainly want to share this with others. For me, it was a mistake, and it's certainly better to be more cautious and not doze off at all while riding with a stranger. 

And I have no intention to scare anyone to be overcautious or over think their next ride sharing experience.

Random Act of Kindness # 4

“Help others without any reason and give without the expectation of receiving anything in return.” 

― Roy T. Bennett

Well, someone did something really nice for me this week and I could not really find the right words to thank her. I left home at around 5:25 am in the morning(~30 mins ride to the airport) to catch an 8:00 am flight. I didn't want to wake up too early, so decided to eat something at the airport. The Uber driver dropped me there at around 6:10.

There was a very long line at TSA security screening and it took a little over an hour and a half. There was almost no time to buy anything at the time. I was tired, hungry and felt dizzy. I boarded the plane and made my way to my seat. It was not a full flight, and there was just two of us in our section, me and an old(but full of life) woman. It was already 8:10 but the flight did not take off. I appreciate punctuality. She and I ended up commenting at the topic at the same time. I usually find it really hard to ask someone for help in case of illness, in all other aspects it's easy to reach out to people. 

I mentioned that I was very hungry, felt a bit lightheaded and was hoping to get some food on flight but they would not serve anything until the flight departs. She said she felt the same. She was amazing, and super generous. She had a fruit and a giant blueberry muffin. She not just offered me the fruit and muffin, but forced me to have it(I didn't want to take her food, she had just one of each). It was already 8:25 am. In all other occasions, I would not take food or drink from a stranger but I really needed to eat something, so I did. In 10 mins, I felt alive again. 

I am glad I did because Delta airlines is weird, they only had a box of cheese and a few grapes, for vegetarians, and I can't eat that for sure, picky eater.

Image credit - Pixabay

I thanked her a few times but it didn't feel enough. You know when someone helps you, at the time, when you need it the most, there are never enough/right words to thank them. We had a good conversation for rest of the flight and she, being a long time Atlanta resident, shared some Atlanta dos/don'ts, all in all it felt great to meet a nice and kind stranger. I am hoping to pay it forward in the near future.

“It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime.” 

― Steve Maraboli

Give People The Benefit Of The Doubt!

“But you don’t have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.”

“You don’t have to assume the worst about everyone, either. The world isn’t always out to get you.” ― Sarah Dessen

I remember reading a blog post about how economics of trust work for two broad categories of people viz. 

1. Trust Givers - Those who instinctively trust people. Receiver starts with some non negative starting points and then you gain or lose points based on your interactions.

2. Trust Builders - They need to see evidence over time to be able to trust someone. You always start with 0 balance, and add to your account with every positive interaction.

How you operate depends on your life experiences! But, I think most of us lie somewhere on the line, between extremities. 

At least, now, I definitely do. Reason I guess is that I have had plenty of positive and negative interactions trying the two methods. 

But if I think of my 9 year old self, I was more of a trust builder than a giver. My brother(~6), a cousin(~11) and I(~9) took a bus home. It was supposed to take ~5 hours and we were supposed to be home by lunch time. We did not bring any food. The bus stopped in the middle of nowhere and our destination was still over 100 kms away. It was not a scheduled stop. The conductor announced that because of flat tires, we won't go any further. Mobile phones were not commonplace back then. There was a telephone booth, at a walking distance but either the phone did not work or there was a long queue or we were too lazy to walk in that scorching heat, I really don't remember. All I remember was that we could not contact anyone at home. We were on our own. 

It was a highway, so we considered hitchhiking. And then my cousin pointed at the truck passing by.  A few kids were kidnapped in neighboring towns/cities that year. I told him that it was a terrible idea. He did not pay any heed, waved at the driver. 

The driver said he would not have stopped for anyone else but he did not want three poor kids to be stranded in that blistering heat. He was very generous, he asked us to hop on and promised that we would be home in no time. His over enthusiastic kindness made me more suspicious of him. 

I gave a look of disapproval to my cousin. He said the driver seems to be a nice person and that it would be okay.

My brother and cousin made their way in and were signalling me to get in too. I was an adamant cautious child and I thought it was a very bad idea. They tried a few more times, and then threatened to leave me behind because they were hungry. It was like the final call for airline passengers at the airport. I had to give in. I was quiet for the first few minutes but, it did not last longer and we had a good conversation with the truck driver.

We did make it home well in time, almost around our original ETA . He was very nice and kind, waited for a few mins to make sure that a family member was there to pick us up. Had my cousin not taken the initiative and trusted a total stranger (based on his gut feeling, it's funny to think an 11 year old had a gut feeling ;-) ), it would not have happened. 

Give people the benefit of the doubt, over and over again, and do the same for yourself. Believe that you’re trying and that they’re trying. See the good in others, so it brings out the best in you.

― Liz Newman

And, by no means am I suggesting to either be a fool or a martyr! :)

Memory - Ctrl+Alt+Del

Well, some memories do last a lifetime!

in some way..?

As per Dr. Karl Albrecht fear can be classified into 5 categories:

1. Fear of Death

2. Fear of Physical Pain

3. Fear of Losing Control

4. Fear of Separation

5. Fear of Identity Death 
Reference: https://medium.com/@seannisil/identifying-the-5-types-of-fear-7e8729934a6e

I don't remember feeling no. 1,2,4 or 5. A few months ago, something triggered no.3. Around that time, I tried to recollect the last time I felt something similar. I tried really really hard and I could not remember anything.

And then recently did I watch the movie 'The Strangers: Prey at Night' and the moment that creepy girl knocked at the door..boom! The flashback!

Image Credit - Pixabay

5/6 years ago, I don't remember the exact date/month/year but I remember everything else like it happened yesterday. It was Saturday night. I was home(alone) video-conferencing with a few team members(from a different timezone). It was the only house on the block. There was a park across the street, so a very calm and serene place at night. None of my housemates were home and even the neighborhood was quieter than usual or maybe it felt that way. Little did I care, until someone knocked really hard at the door. It was unusual, I was not expecting anyone. 

I opened the door and it was a big, strange, drunk person at the door. I was pretty sure I did not know him at all. Plus, I was preoccupied with the project discussion, still thinking about the problem. I asked him who he was and what did he want. He didn't say a word and kept staring. I saw a thick strong bamboo stick in his hand, which was absurd, who roams around with bamboo stick? I shut the door in his face. 

A few mins later he started knocking hard(using that stick) at the door. I yelled at him to leave me alone and go away. But he did not stop. I shut the glass windows, by the front door, before he could notice. The call was still on and people on the other side of the world were worried :-). I had to drop off the call for obvious reasons. 

It was one of the poshest neighborhoods in Bangalore and it felt surreal. You don't want to call police in India(I've seen a friend being troubled by police), you don't know whether you would get help or just more trouble. It's a gamble. I didn't want to call relatives because I did not want my parents to know. There is not anything they can do but worry.

He started knocking at the windows next and it was loud, very loud. And it was fear inducing. For the first time, it felt like he could maybe break the windows and barge in. I called my housemates but they said it would take them another 30-45 mins to get there. I stuffed my ears with cotton and earplugs and it was still loud. I had to take a refuge in the bathroom, extra door you know. At some point, after 20/25 mins, it stopped but I was scared to get out and check. He was gone by the time my housemates returned. 

I was not hallucinating ;-) because my team members inquired about it during the next call. 

I had totally forgotten about this event. Human brain is intriguing and memory retrieval? , that's simply fascinating! I don't think I am going to forget about it anytime soon.

I am reading 'Approaching the Unconscious' by a Swiss psychologist  Carl Jung and it just made me pause, think and write this post!!