Lockdown Week #2

I haven't posted anything since December of 2019. And who blogs in 2020 anyway? Well, I do..

We all have our own crazy 2020 stories, the year of global lockdown . We might as well call 2020, the year of social distancing 😉

It's so difficult to believe that I have been staying at home, all day long, since March 14th, 2020. For weeks, I did not even go out for a walk. I just stepped out to buy groceries, once every 10 days 😕 .. But that's been the 2020 normal, isn't it?

And who does not remember long lines at grocery store(s) ! 

Anyway..

And that brings me to the start of my first crazy story from pandemic diaries 😂

    Image Credit - Pixabay

It was the beginning of stay at home, week # 2 and people were still on a rampant, buy all you can, grocery shopping spree. As if there was going to be no tomorrow.. 

I was standing in a long queue, waiting for my turn to enter this neighborhood grocery store - Whole Foods Market. 

A tall big guy joined the queue a few mins later. He was standing behind me. He was less than 6 ft. apart, probably 3 ft. apart. And he was already making me nervous. Maybe he did not know about pandemic social distancing guidelines, or maybe he did not care. And he kept moving forward, inch by inch. Well in my brain, I could process that in dramatic slow motion 😂. 

And when he was about 1.5 - 2 ft away, I could not stop myself from speaking up. I turned around and politely(completely trying to hide my annoyance, partly because of the 15 min wait in the queue and partly due to his ignorance/indifference. Hearing my tone of voice, at least in my mind, I thought I did an okay job hiding it) requested him to maintain 6 ft. distance. 

He was so agitated. Not only did he curse but soon after, he started yelling at me, saying "Who the hell do you think you are? Standing here in Palo Alto, and asking me to maintain 6 ft distance" 

And it's not an everyday scene, that you catch a person yelling at someone. I was quite startled and wanted to run away before I got shot 😂. Lucky enough, it was my turn to go in, so I turned around and sprinted my way into the store 😅

“I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.”

― Katie McGarry

Random Act of Kindness # 6

“There are no strangers here;

Only friends you haven't met”

― William B. Yates

Well, I recently was on a 1 day business trip in Pittsburgh. Travelling across the country on a 5 hour flight, for a 5-6 hours meeting is not my favorite, but that's not the topic of this post. 

My return flight was at 6 am next day, so I had the evening to myself in this new place. I have been to Pittsburgh once before, but was again a short trip. We were in office the whole time even then, so didn't really have the chance to go out and explore the city. 

I decided to take a stroll in the downtown. I am very impressed by the bridges all around the city and architecture of public buildings, theaters etc. I find old archaic buildings mesmerizing, and thrilling, look as something straight out of a story book, the book of history :-)

And, I just stood in front of some of the fountains, buildings etc. and gazed at them for a little while. 

My last stop for the night was a fancy Thai restaurant, rated as Pittsburgh's no. 1. I love Thai cuisine and thought would be prefect ending to this short trip. I got in, it had a huge seating area if I compare it to any average bay area restaurant, fancy decor(little over the top for my taste, but it looked nice) etc. They got me a nice table in the middle of the restaurant. The restaurant was quite packed and full of clamor. But it was nice to hear big groups of people talking to each other and laughing, not being hooked on their cell-phones, a pretty regular occurrence in most bay area restaurants. 

I was greeted by a friendly and polite waiter, who took my order. While I was waiting for the server to bring my drink, I just looked around to soak in shiny art pieces, dazzling chandelier, it was sort of overwhelming for my eyes. As I looked up across my table, a sweet friendly lady walked up to me, greeted me, said that her friends noticed that I was probably eating alone and asked if I would like to join their group for dinner. It was group of 10+ people. I gladly accepted. Such a friendly sweet gesture!!

The group had already placed order for entrée. I placed my entrée order after they were all already served food. These people are so lovely, they chatted with me the entire time and decided to wait for me until I finished eating. I learnt a thing or two about street medicine.

Image courtesy - Pixabay 

We all decided to go for a walk by the river after the dinner, probably spent another hour or two walking down the streets and parks of Pittsburgh. It was nice and relaxing. I really enjoyed their company, happy, hip friendly bunch with a great sense of humor. They asked me how would I describe them after I go back to California. Well, I used the exact same words back then. They were quite amused by the fact that I called them hip. 

That was October. I have had those memories come up quite a few times in last one month, more specifically about the lady who walked up to me(as I never use names on my blog). I decided to send her a text on Thanksgiving for being so kind and lovely. She was very happy to hear from me and mentioned that she thinks of me often. That she will love to host me if I visit the city she is from. 

Their welcoming and friendly gesture is exactly the kind of random act of kindness, that would make anyone's day. I am just thankful and grateful for running into nicest strangers(and now new friends) ever :-)

If Only..

If only..

you wanna take a stroll down the memory lane

rolling an odd dice 

playing a game insane

bargain that rubble

for modest soothing plains

if only..

you wanna take a stroll down that memory lane

plant a thumping twinkle

replace every dew that stained

clench your fist, hold tight

defying gravity

unslipping antiquity train

image credit - pixabay

if only..

you wanna take a stroll down that memory lane

mischief, a silly brazen

icy mark, not opaque

vest o'clock to drain

if only..

you wanna take a stroll down that memory lane

Allow Yourself to Grieve!

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” 

― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

It's not uncommon for us, as humans to experience loss in life, it could be intrinsic(personality, values, self identity, hopes, dreams etc.) or extrinsic(fame/title, wealth, family/loved ones, win/loss etc.), material or otherwise. Sometimes we cut our losses to make room for new. In fact, we all go through events of loss, several times during our lives. 

Some of those mean a lot to us, while others don't as much. Sometimes, we don't realize that we lost something, for we were so busy dealing with other important things in life, and then there are times when we are in complete denial that an event would even qualify as a loss because most of us like to be in control(of our lives), at least I do. Sometimes, we(at least I didn't) don't allow ourselves to grieve because it was not even a loss, at least that's what we(I) thought when that something happened, it was not so important after all. 

I am no psychologist but I recently realized that Grieving is such an integral part of our lives to recognize, accept, express and/or absorb the feelings of loss. Express or/and absorb, because like I said some people like to be in control. Expressing grief is not (always) easy, at least not for some people(including me). So people don't express grieve, they simply internalize it.

I remember seeing a friend cry, a while ago. We had a brief conversation and (s)he, mentioned how hard it is for him/her to express how they actually feel about the things that really matter. How hard it is for them to grieve! It can make you feel weak at a sub-conscious and/or conscious level. So you deny it for as long as you can.

But denial can only take you so far!

“If you desire healing,

let yourself fall ill

let yourself fall ill.” 

― Rumi

They say there are several stages of grief: denial, anger, bargain, depression and acceptance. They may occur in any order and you can go back and forth experiencing them. Once you allow yourself to experience all of these, you can retract your sense of normality again.

I encountered an event in November 2017. It was so profoundly unsettling that I was in constant denial, switching myself back to the person I was, before the event. I did speak to a (close)friend then but never let myself have enough time to think about the impact it had on me. But it sure did.  Every time I thought about the event, it made me uncomfortable. If I looked at something/someone that had anything to do with it, it triggered anxiety. If people would talk about something that is tangentially related to the topic, it would rattle my cage. But, it was mainly on a sub-conscious level, I did not allow myself to dig deeper and solve the root cause. I would simply do something to distract myself and put the thoughts and feelings on the back burner, yet another time.

At some level, it made me feel disengaged..

 

Image Courtesy - Pixabay

It was only recently, yesterday, so to speak, that I finally sat down to accept what was going on. I allowed myself to go back to that point in time, to feel what I should have let myself feel then, to believe that it was normal(& only human) to feel that way, to understand that it does not make you weak, just more so human. 

I believe in PTG(post traumatic growth) and that's how trauma/loss has always worked out for me. Every event has helped me grow and changed my life(positively of course), and I came out of it being a stronger person than I was before that thing occurred.

So, it all works out in the end, sooner or later...

Lost And Found!

It's been almost a year since I wrote anything, the ever present writer's block you know! :)

"How did it get so late so soon?" ―  Dr. Suess

Anyway, it's an incident from my daily commute ~a year or year and a half ago. Like any regular weekday evening, I took the bus home. It takes anywhere between ~5/10 mins to get home, depending on time of the day.

Remember a time when you are so deeply absorbed in your thoughts, that you kind of have sense of your surroundings but you are not really present, your brain is busy processing other information, which at that time felt more pressing or intriguing! I don't remember what was I thinking about but I do remember what happened after.

As soon as the bus reached my stop and the driver(who knew that I get down there) made the stop even without me requesting for it. I realized that I needed to get down, because part of my brain did take a note of what was happening around me, just was not fully aware. I did not want to waste his time, so thanked him, (I took my right hand out of my pocket on the way) and quickly sprinted out of the bus. 

The moment I stepped out of the bus, I realized, I (perhaps) dropped something in the bus, but then I ignored the stimulus thinking that I might just be hallucinating. But as I started walking, I put my right hand back in my coat pocket only to realize that I actually did drop my "wallet" in the bus. It was probably just 10-20 seconds after the bus departed.

I panicked, it reminded me of the incident when I (technically not me, but that's irrelevant) lost my passport in Sydney, because I had my California ID, driver's license and all the debit/credit cards in that wallet. How careless could one be? Finally, you stop beating yourself up for an event and then you make a similar blunder!

On the top of that, it was a Friday evening, ~6:00 pm. All banks were already closed, even getting a quick replacement for a debit card was not possible. And now that I am not in India anymore and thanks to acquaintances/friends who advised not to keep a lot of cash(I used to roam around with a couple of hundreds and also just because it's so inconvenient to deal with cash. You almost never need cash here and I just hate to carry the heap of coins<change> around).

Well, if it was India, there was no way, you are ever going to get any of the things you dropped in a bus, back. So..I was confused between : trying to call card companies to block my cards or to call the valley transportation agency to try and see if I can get the wallet back. I called the bus agency and the representative tried but just could not reach the driver for almost 30-40 mins. I was on the line waiting. During that time, I walked up to the house and back to the bus stop, and waited until the bus arrived again after an hour. I was not sure if it was going to be the same bus or a different one.

The bus arrived. I hopped in and quickly told the driver what happened. He recognized me for it was the same person who dropped me an hour ago. I quickly sprinted back towards my seat(on the ride that day) and there it was...My wallet was lying a few feet away from the seat.

Now, that I got the wallet back, I thanked the driver and got out of the bus. I felt a bit better, called the bank call centers to block all my debit cards but I am still using the same credit card. It's been a while and there have not been any fraudulent transaction. So, people here are really awesome and honest. And I love that..!!

“It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.” ― Noel Coward

And I was shocked too :)

Random Act of Kindness # 5

Well, I visited 'Bobabia' after the DMV appointment to order a milkshake. Their mixer was broken. The owner asked me to pick something else from the menu. I didn't really want to get a bubble tea, but needed something to drink, so ordered a lavender milk tea. 

He got my drink in less than 3 mins. I was about to turn around and leave the place, when he said "Your milkshake will be free the next time you come." 

To which I responded "So many people come here every day, you would not even remember me next time." 

His reply was that he does not forget his customers.

I smiled in disbelief and left the place. I am a picky eater. I did not really like the drink and I actually thought that I was never going back to that place.

I had totally forgotten about this incident. I met a friend for lunch this afternoon and she wanted to get bubble tea when it occurred to me that the guy promised me a free milkshake. I told her "I don't think he would even remember the conversation but I still want to go, try(run an experiment)."

As soon as we entered the bubble tea joint, I noticed that some other person was attending to customers today. I did not even ask his name the last time I was there. So, I asked her if the person who runs the place was around.  She went in to call him. 

He walked out smiling. I said "You promised me a free...", did not even complete my sentence. He remembered the incident, so his response was "Which one do you want?" 

I had not even looked at the menu yet, so I said same, "strawberry/banana". They did not have it for some reason. I looked at the menu and noticed some new flavors on the menu, so I picked mango and he was quick to mention, "Mango is okay but you should really try peach, that's great!". Since, he was being so kind, I went with his suggestion.

He quickly got our drinks. His generosity made me feel bad. I asked his name.  My friend and I decided to sit there for some time, and in around 5/10 mins, he brought another drink and said "You wanted to try mango right? Here!"

This is not normal and I am so straightforward/outspoken. I asked him "Why are you so nice? You are making me feel bad". 

He smiled and said "Oh, it's just leftover". I was amazed that the whole 16 oz drink was leftover. 

Anyway, I think I am going to go back to that place. Customers really just remember the experience, not the brand, especially the most recent one!

“Be mindful. Be grateful. Be positive. Be true. Be kind.” 

― Roy T. Bennett

Live in the Moment!

Misty pearls, thenceforth, spray

blear the ray,

no shades of gray;

Gloaming, aurora

no tick tocks bray;

Image courtesy : Pixabay

Stroke yon gust,

no child's play;

Seal the lids,

that's the easy way!!

Err On The Side of Caution!

“Life has it woes so learn to be on your toes, be alert.” 

― Bernard Kelvin Clive, Your Dreams Will Not Die

Last week, I returned to San Francisco, past midnight. It was about 12:30 am when I requested an Uber to go home, approximately 21 miles away from the airport. It was a business trip and I had a very long day. I was tired and sleepy but I kept reminding myself to not fall asleep during the ride back home. 

I always ride shotgun(North American slang that means travel as a guard in the seat next to the driver of a vehicle. I learnt it a few months ago and wanted to use it :-) Anyway, that's not the point! ) because I like to speak with the driver. I have learnt a lot about different cultures and professions this way, particularly in Bay Area, which is considered as a melting pot of different cultures. However, I was so tired that I had no energy to talk to anyone then. I just greeted the driver and grabbed the seat at the back. 

I was totally awake during first 8-10 miles but felt weary and sleepy enough, that I had to slap my face to keep myself awake. The trick worked for the first few mins, and then probably 4-5 miles to the destination, I dozed off. 

During this time, the driver managed to miss 2 exits to the destination. I was lucky enough to wake up right before the next exit(to turn around to reach the destination). We were less than 500/700 ft away from the exit. I realized that the dude literally missed 2 exits even though he was using a navigation app. There was no traffic at all, in fact there was no other car on the freeway, so there was no reason for him to miss one. Additionally, he did not consider it was important enough to inform me. And on the top of that, we were few lanes away from the next one. We would have missed that too if he kept going. It just did not feel right but I wanted to give him benefit of the doubt. All this thought processing happened in a fraction of a second. 

Even though I knew that he did, I politely asked him if we missed a few exits. The guy panicked and acknowledged that we did. He suggested that he noticed that I was asleep and he did not want to bother me. He quickly and abruptly changed lanes to make it to the exit. His demeanor at the moment was "odd".

Picture Credit : Google Images

I certainly did not have a good feeling about the incident and his reaction. I did not want to confront him at that time and just safely reach home. My feeling is that you have a better chance to control the outcome if you are in the front seat than back seat if you do and things go south. My home was only 10 mins away and I just wanted to get there asap. He apologized and offered to write to Uber for a full refund. I can't say for sure if I was being naive or a trust giver in this regard. I told him that it was okay and he should not worry about it.

I shared this incident with a friend over dinner last week. She told me about her friend's friend who has been missing after taking an Uber to somewhere. I do not remember the details. She suggested me to report the incident and it totally made sense, especially considering all the incidents/events that gave this company a reputation.

I contacted their support desk personnel who mentioned that someone would reach out to me to get more details and determine next steps accordingly. I just received a text response that says that they were sorry that the situation made me feel unsafe and they will take appropriate action. 

I am not sure what are they going to do, if anything at all, but I would certainly want to share this with others. For me, it was a mistake, and it's certainly better to be more cautious and not doze off at all while riding with a stranger. 

And I have no intention to scare anyone to be overcautious or over think their next ride sharing experience.

Random Act of Kindness # 4

“Help others without any reason and give without the expectation of receiving anything in return.” 

― Roy T. Bennett

Well, someone did something really nice for me this week and I could not really find the right words to thank her. I left home at around 5:25 am in the morning(~30 mins ride to the airport) to catch an 8:00 am flight. I didn't want to wake up too early, so decided to eat something at the airport. The Uber driver dropped me there at around 6:10.

There was a very long line at TSA security screening and it took a little over an hour and a half. There was almost no time to buy anything at the time. I was tired, hungry and felt dizzy. I boarded the plane and made my way to my seat. It was not a full flight, and there was just two of us in our section, me and an old(but full of life) woman. It was already 8:10 but the flight did not take off. I appreciate punctuality. She and I ended up commenting at the topic at the same time. I usually find it really hard to ask someone for help in case of illness, in all other aspects it's easy to reach out to people. 

I mentioned that I was very hungry, felt a bit lightheaded and was hoping to get some food on flight but they would not serve anything until the flight departs. She said she felt the same. She was amazing, and super generous. She had a fruit and a giant blueberry muffin. She not just offered me the fruit and muffin, but forced me to have it(I didn't want to take her food, she had just one of each). It was already 8:25 am. In all other occasions, I would not take food or drink from a stranger but I really needed to eat something, so I did. In 10 mins, I felt alive again. 

I am glad I did because Delta airlines is weird, they only had a box of cheese and a few grapes, for vegetarians, and I can't eat that for sure, picky eater.

Image credit - Pixabay

I thanked her a few times but it didn't feel enough. You know when someone helps you, at the time, when you need it the most, there are never enough/right words to thank them. We had a good conversation for rest of the flight and she, being a long time Atlanta resident, shared some Atlanta dos/don'ts, all in all it felt great to meet a nice and kind stranger. I am hoping to pay it forward in the near future.

“It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime.” 

― Steve Maraboli

Give People The Benefit Of The Doubt!

“But you don’t have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.”

“You don’t have to assume the worst about everyone, either. The world isn’t always out to get you.” ― Sarah Dessen

I remember reading a blog post about how economics of trust work for two broad categories of people viz. 

1. Trust Givers - Those who instinctively trust people. Receiver starts with some non negative starting points and then you gain or lose points based on your interactions.

2. Trust Builders - They need to see evidence over time to be able to trust someone. You always start with 0 balance, and add to your account with every positive interaction.

How you operate depends on your life experiences! But, I think most of us lie somewhere on the line, between extremities. 

At least, now, I definitely do. Reason I guess is that I have had plenty of positive and negative interactions trying the two methods. 

But if I think of my 9 year old self, I was more of a trust builder than a giver. My brother(~6), a cousin(~11) and I(~9) took a bus home. It was supposed to take ~5 hours and we were supposed to be home by lunch time. We did not bring any food. The bus stopped in the middle of nowhere and our destination was still over 100 kms away. It was not a scheduled stop. The conductor announced that because of flat tires, we won't go any further. Mobile phones were not commonplace back then. There was a telephone booth, at a walking distance but either the phone did not work or there was a long queue or we were too lazy to walk in that scorching heat, I really don't remember. All I remember was that we could not contact anyone at home. We were on our own. 

It was a highway, so we considered hitchhiking. And then my cousin pointed at the truck passing by.  A few kids were kidnapped in neighboring towns/cities that year. I told him that it was a terrible idea. He did not pay any heed, waved at the driver. 

The driver said he would not have stopped for anyone else but he did not want three poor kids to be stranded in that blistering heat. He was very generous, he asked us to hop on and promised that we would be home in no time. His over enthusiastic kindness made me more suspicious of him. 

I gave a look of disapproval to my cousin. He said the driver seems to be a nice person and that it would be okay.

My brother and cousin made their way in and were signalling me to get in too. I was an adamant cautious child and I thought it was a very bad idea. They tried a few more times, and then threatened to leave me behind because they were hungry. It was like the final call for airline passengers at the airport. I had to give in. I was quiet for the first few minutes but, it did not last longer and we had a good conversation with the truck driver.

We did make it home well in time, almost around our original ETA . He was very nice and kind, waited for a few mins to make sure that a family member was there to pick us up. Had my cousin not taken the initiative and trusted a total stranger (based on his gut feeling, it's funny to think an 11 year old had a gut feeling ;-) ), it would not have happened. 

Give people the benefit of the doubt, over and over again, and do the same for yourself. Believe that you’re trying and that they’re trying. See the good in others, so it brings out the best in you.

― Liz Newman

And, by no means am I suggesting to either be a fool or a martyr! :)

Memory - Ctrl+Alt+Del

Well, some memories do last a lifetime!

in some way..?

As per Dr. Karl Albrecht fear can be classified into 5 categories:

1. Fear of Death

2. Fear of Physical Pain

3. Fear of Losing Control

4. Fear of Separation

5. Fear of Identity Death 
Reference: https://medium.com/@seannisil/identifying-the-5-types-of-fear-7e8729934a6e

I don't remember feeling no. 1,2,4 or 5. A few months ago, something triggered no.3. Around that time, I tried to recollect the last time I felt something similar. I tried really really hard and I could not remember anything.

And then recently did I watch the movie 'The Strangers: Prey at Night' and the moment that creepy girl knocked at the door..boom! The flashback!

Image Credit - Pixabay

5/6 years ago, I don't remember the exact date/month/year but I remember everything else like it happened yesterday. It was Saturday night. I was home(alone) video-conferencing with a few team members(from a different timezone). It was the only house on the block. There was a park across the street, so a very calm and serene place at night. None of my housemates were home and even the neighborhood was quieter than usual or maybe it felt that way. Little did I care, until someone knocked really hard at the door. It was unusual, I was not expecting anyone. 

I opened the door and it was a big, strange, drunk person at the door. I was pretty sure I did not know him at all. Plus, I was preoccupied with the project discussion, still thinking about the problem. I asked him who he was and what did he want. He didn't say a word and kept staring. I saw a thick strong bamboo stick in his hand, which was absurd, who roams around with bamboo stick? I shut the door in his face. 

A few mins later he started knocking hard(using that stick) at the door. I yelled at him to leave me alone and go away. But he did not stop. I shut the glass windows, by the front door, before he could notice. The call was still on and people on the other side of the world were worried :-). I had to drop off the call for obvious reasons. 

It was one of the poshest neighborhoods in Bangalore and it felt surreal. You don't want to call police in India(I've seen a friend being troubled by police), you don't know whether you would get help or just more trouble. It's a gamble. I didn't want to call relatives because I did not want my parents to know. There is not anything they can do but worry.

He started knocking at the windows next and it was loud, very loud. And it was fear inducing. For the first time, it felt like he could maybe break the windows and barge in. I called my housemates but they said it would take them another 30-45 mins to get there. I stuffed my ears with cotton and earplugs and it was still loud. I had to take a refuge in the bathroom, extra door you know. At some point, after 20/25 mins, it stopped but I was scared to get out and check. He was gone by the time my housemates returned. 

I was not hallucinating ;-) because my team members inquired about it during the next call. 

I had totally forgotten about this event. Human brain is intriguing and memory retrieval? , that's simply fascinating! I don't think I am going to forget about it anytime soon.

I am reading 'Approaching the Unconscious' by a Swiss psychologist  Carl Jung and it just made me pause, think and write this post!!

Random Act of Kindness #3

“We mock that which we don't understand, and then we get to experience it ourselves.” 

― Sarah Gerdes, In a Moment

So true! I didn't really mock at anyone but I was quite amazed when I saw somebody throwing up during a 2 hour flight. The person was nervous even before the flight took off. I wondered what makes someone so nauseous(maybe motion sickness?), considering the fact that no airline food was involved. I didn't know if I could offer any comforting words to this (affected) neighbor.

Fast forward(almost 7 years): On a flight, this September, I happened to fall prey to a similar situation(all thanks to the horrible airline food). I ate a spoonful of vegetarian breakfast beginning of an 11 hours flight. A little after, I began throwing up. And as soon as it began, I saw a flashback of the aforementioned experience, I could even recollect the sufferer's face at that time. By that time, I had already thrown up 3/4 times. The airline crew was concerned, so was my neighbor on the flight. They tried to make me drink some water and aerated beverage a few times, but I couldn't even keep down a sip of water. For as far as I could remember, at least 3/4 other passengers came up to me and asked if I was doing OK but I couldn't speak at all.

The flight attendant let me occupy a seat in the crew's resting area and kept an eye on me the whole time. He gave me medicines but that didn't help, three extra blankets(I was cold even after four blankets). One or the other flight attendant came up to me to offer water or anything else every 15/20 minutes but I threw up every time I drank something. Eventually they stopped trying to make me have anything.

It was probably 3/4 hours and we still had a long way to go. The attendant asked me if I would be able to make it up to the destination which was alarming. I felt pretty weak by then but had not realized it was that bad. I almost passed out for a couple of hours(I think they believed I was asleep) but that was really helpful. Rest of the journey was pretty painful too, so I just tried to go back to sleep. Around 40 mins before the arrival, the attendant asked me if I would need wheelchair assistance at the airport. I agreed to take the offer but when we finally landed, I had no energy to spend any extra time than I absolutely had to(also felt feeblish, I couldn't come to terms with the fact that I was so weak as to need wheelchair assistance), at the airport. Next 45 minutes to hour was pretty exhausting, I was trembling almost the whole time but somehow made it. 

I am still pretty amazed and very thankful for the effort that (one particular) flight attendant(I wish I could ask his name, he was very kind) and rest of the crew made to make me feel as comfortable as they possibly could. They went above and beyond what anyone could expect from a crew.

“Kindness is not a business. True kindness expects nothing in return and should never act with conditions.” -  Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

(I would add this one to chalking up to the experience as well.)

Random Act of Kindness - 2

“Be a little kinder than you have to.” – E. Lockhart

A co-worker shared an anecdote based on his recent experience in San Francisco : a person(who seemed to be under the influence) fell down and injured himself really bad.  Several people went past him but nobody offered help or called 911. He walked up to him from the other side of the road to ask if he was ok(although it didn't seem so), called 911 and then a security guard(at a building nearby) offered to be there until help arrives.

“Be kind whenever possible.  It is always possible.” – Dalai Lama

Image credit - Pixabay

This reminded me of an incident from not too long ago. We stopped by a gas station while we were on a road trip. I opened the trunk to find something and a whole carton of things fell down. A kid, I don't know, maybe 4/5 years old, came rushing and asked if he could help me. It was kind and very unexpected. Before I could answer, he asked one more time and began picking things up without waiting for my reply. I didn't want him to help for there were glass pieces scattered all over the place. Then came his sister(may be 2/3 years old). She wanted to help as well. I asked him to take her away if he wanted to help. Luckily, her mom did. The little guy was insistent and continued helping. We had a short chat while we worked together.

“Of all virtues and dignities of the mind, goodness is the greatest.” – Francis Bacon

His kindness and persistence.. still make me smile..

No Regrets.!!

on the highway of deep blue stars

so be it plethora of silvery scars

tiny, twinkly, contour sparse

life goes on..and on..

through dusky, dusty bars

                                                                      

dribbling nickel & dime hails

leeway of huey jars

swallow the anchor?

 ne'er 

hold no punches

no heavy hearts

for life goes on..and on..

through dusky, dusty bars

*Image Credit - Pixabay

Time Heals Everything..!!

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Jalaluddin Rumi

Almost all my friends, most of my classmates except that from 11th & 12th grade and family would agree that I was/am quite obstinate, mischievous, persistent and ..other things.. But, I learnt a lot of life lessons pretty early, through experiences, peculiar and strange ones. As someone I know says, it's not your age but the kind of experiences you have had, matters..and I couldn't agree more.. :-)

This one is an experience from either the 3rd or the 4th grade. We used to play different versions of tag games in the classroom(we had a huge one to run around) during all the three breaks, 10 mins, followed by 30 mins and the last 10 mins break at school. The goal used to be to eat up the lunch in less than 5 mins so that you can free up as much time as you could to run around. And that wasn't difficult, given the fact, that we had so many people in the group.

Well, it was just another day,  the 30 mins break, and we were playing the elimination tag game. I (the only one left untagged) and 'it', the zombie tagger, (one of my dear friends, from back then was running after me) were going up & down the benches/desks and swifting through the spaces amid them, laid out in pairs forming an 8 by 3 grid. She was getting really close and I made a rather brisk 'U' turn, was definitely far out of her reach this time but running straight into another kid( I guess I could take the liberty to call a 3rd or 4th grader a kid). A moment later, all I could feel was a type of brain numbness,a sensation that I can't jot down on paper now and seconds later, the only thing I could feel was that something did hurt really bad, all I could see was a lot of blood on my shirt, on my hands and on my face. I still couldn't understand what happened because the chap I had a disastrous collision with, looked ok, no bruises, no cuts, sort of looked normal though definitely amazed, big time.

All my friends rushed me to the first aid room, and one of the teachers did give me some kind of first aid which I don't remember now. But they wouldn't tell me what happened. I definitely couldn't see my face but the lower part of my face hurt real bad. They called up my parents but didn't tell them much except that I needed to be picked up from school ASAP. It was raining really bad and school was quite far away from where we lived. My dad could come and pick me up in about 30 to 40 mins. He was quite shocked and took me to a clinic straight away but due to bad weather, we couldn't find any decent doctor.

When I reached home and looked at my face in the mirror, I realized that I didn't have a lower lip anymore and the lower part of my face was swollen like that of a monkey. Next few weeks brought immense pain and discomfort trying to eat or drink just anything. I wasn't comfortable going to school for a couple of days and I did bunk it for a week(for the first time ever). My parents have been the most supportive parents ever. When I did return to school, it gave me an odd one out type feeling in the classroom, especially when most of my friends/teachers felt sorry for me and in a way made it worse than it actually was. I thought that was forever, that I would live the rest of my life with that pain and with one lip only, until I saw it regenerating during the course of next 6-12 weeks. 

That painful journey is something that I can never forget. But, that made me learn few things:

1. Time heals everything, just give time 'Time'

2. Every pain makes you way stronger than you ever were

3. I am very comfortable being the 'Odd one out' in all settings since then

And as they say:

“I'd rather be a little weird than all boring.” 

― Rebecca McKinsey

Another Crazy Encounter..!!

I have learnt it very well that I am destined to have all sorts of adventures. So, a spiel from last Saturday. I was waiting for a bus with few others(people of rather different origin) in San Francisco. Then, appeared a rather tall, old stout lady, who gave all of us a stare and asked(rather ordered) us to move away, make some space for her, for, 'she was a disabled and had a heart attack'(exactly her words, indirect speech), some days ago. But, the way she behaved, it felt like everyone else around her was an untouchable soul.

She made her way to the bench, almost pushing everyone around, mumbling something, not sure what she was referring to but her gestures hinted that she particularly disliked me for no apparent reason. I was confused because we had never seen each other before this moment, and it was not even a minute or two since she was there. There was no apparent for being disliked, especially as that Indian instinct makes you rather more courteous with old people. I could sense that there was something wrong with her but I couldn't gauge what could that possibly be. This lady, a couple and I were waiting for the same bus. There were others waiting for a different bus.

The bus arrived in about 5 mins from then. There was no space to hop in from the front door. The driver asked us to use the backdoor. There was just enough space for 4/5 people. We made our way into the bus, the old lady sprinted(lumbered). I felt bad for her so I tried to occupy as less space as I could to make more room for her. But then, being nice and/or respectful has its own disadvantages(sometimes). I could read anger on her face. She barged in abruptly, rather forcefully, stamped my feet hard (and for the record, I am sure she did it intentionally, I could read it all over her). She gave me a stare, went past me, and then pushed a few passengers away(from the seat meant for disabled passengers). And then she told them, "Sorry, I didn't mean to touch you guys".....Seriously?

The bus just went past the first stop from where we started(barely 1/1.5 blocks), when she got back up and asked me to get my hands off the pole(the only support I could reach and hold on to). I didn't want to pick a fight with her(she definitely had more strength than me(considering how tall and bulky she was,in spite of being older, sometimes you need to pick your battles :-)) . And, for some reason, I still felt bad for her.

So, I held on to a lower portion of the pole, leaving the other three quarters+ of the pole for her support, But she yelled at me, saying " I am disabled and I had a heart attack." By now, I had had enough, so I gave it back to her this time "So, that's why you want me to have a heart attack now(sarcastically)?".

I was standing near the rear door and felt like she was going to get down on the next stop, so I tried to make some extra space for her. She pushed me(literally this time), (but some other passengers who were observing this drama) held my hand and pulled me back up and yelled at her "She has given you ample of space. Where do you want her to go?" I was surprised but people did care a lot about the whole incident. I was baffled but the situation was so strange that I ended up laughing. I laughed briefly because I was going through this experience(it reminded me of one of my autistic classmates who bullied me in school one time :-), almost pulled my hair out, literally and I didn't do anything because I took pity on her). I definitely, did not want to offend the old lady.  I wasn't even looking at her. She came closer, made some weird faces and said "I will f*%@ing kill you bitch". I had no idea what just happened. But a few other people on the bus started yelling at her, another lady pulled me further back in. The old lady turned around, towards me,  and a guy got in between..

This happened in a drive less than 0.4 miles long and it occurred so fast, that I couldn't believe it was real. She got down at the second stop. Everyone in the bus seemed relax now. Those girls who were pushed away from the seats, did not sit back there(in fact no one took those two seats for a while) and were making fun of her for rest of the time.

And, I ? ...I was still amazed.

Courtesy: Pixabay

“Calling it lunacy makes it easier to explain away the things we don't understand.” 

― Megan Chance

Fear No Colors..!!

Morn, that passed

Small hours gawked,

Anergy stalked

Antsiness clogged,

Hysteria plaused

Volition thy mocked;

Seethe gagged within, 

Yon, can be logged?

Hither methinks,

Pretense thy hocked

Aught, a fool's broach!

Whatever Happens..!!

I was reading this post "Hypothetical Scenarios: If you were ever held at gunpoint, what would you say to the gunman" on quora the other day. Though, I didn't realize 'why' then...

Every time I hear about an incident that involves someone held at gunpoint, it scratches the surface of an event buried deep down somewhere, something I had gotten over the very next hour it happened. I never did think or felt the need to think about it again(until a few days back, and I don't know why), nor did I converse about it with anyone, neither family nor friends. I know it happened(what/why/how for some other day, and in some other post) but I am cent percent, at peace with this memory ever since it occurred. An experience that taught me a great deal about life, about how important it is to smell the roses.

“There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be...” 

― John Lennon

I always mocked at those scenes in movies, in which the protagonist goes into a realm of flashback, moment(s) before they die or are about to die, thinking of all that they missed to do and/or people they couldn't bid adieu to, one last time. I thought that did not make any sense, no one could think about anything else but getting out of that situation, saving their lives(somehow) when faced with a deadly situation like that. There is no doubt it could be different for each person.

When that barrel was pressed hard against the back of my head, I learnt more than I could in a rather long time..

• Smell the roses, while you can, life could be too short and unimaginably unpredictable.
• Closures are important, including the last goodbye to your loved ones, family, friends and well-wishers.
• Human brain is astonishing. The number and the spectrum of thoughts that could run through, in a split second, could never be gauged.
• Survival instincts are hard-wired, doesn't require any practice.
• And now, when it's over : "Whatever happens, I'm ready to face it."  ― Ernie Harwell .. All set to face worst of the worst :-)